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again and maybe even be with you, but still I didn t.
There s something sort of wonderful about being with
you when you act like you like me, but you can turn so
mean without any warning and you can be so awful hard.
I don t know why the things you say hurt so much.
I stopped there on the corner and took hold of both her
arms and turned her around facing me. We were
standing in front of a billboard on a vacant lot in the hot
sun, with cars going past us in the street, but it didn t
make any difference. I had to tell her.
Hill Girl 126
I promised you once I wouldn t ever be mean to you
again, didn t I? And I broke it the next day. So I won t
promise again, but I ll try to tell you what happened
there by the river. I don t know how I can tell you,
because I don t think I know myself. The only thing I can
think of is that it was jealousy. It hit me so suddenly I
didn t have time to think.
Why? I mean, I don t understand why you would be
jealous.
Because of Lee and all that other business. The car.
You know what I mean. I m not trying to hurt you now,
Angelina; I m just trying to explain to you.
But why did it make any difference to you? It didn t
before.
That was before. And a long time ago.
Not so very. Nothing has been a long time ago with us.
It s only been three days. She was looking down, tracing
a design on the pavement with the toe of her shoe, and I
noticed how scuffed and dirty it was. White shoes weren t
for hitchhiking.
Just three days. But I didn t love you then. I do now.
She thought it over quietly for a minute before she
answered. It s that way with me too, Bob.
Are you sure?
Yes. That s the reason I came down here. I thought I
might see you again. It was just a chance that you might
decide to come on down here instead of going
somewhere else.
You don t hate me for what I said? And did?
No. Not now. I think I finally figured it out for myself
and guessed what was the matter. I wouldn t have
followed you except for that. But you won t do it again,
will you, Bob? I couldn t stand it again.
No. That s all finished, I said.
I kept it from her, all right, this fear I had, but I
couldn t fool myself any about it. Was there any way of
being sure it wouldn t happen again? How could there
be?
Hill Girl 127
Chapter Eighteen
The desk clerk regarded me suspiciously when I
registered again with Angelina and wanted to be moved
into a double room. The combination of my whiskery, cut-
up face with its evidence of a two-day binge and a wife
who showed up unexpectedly with no luggage was
obviously a little strong to take straight, but he managed
it and moved us into a room overlooking the beach.
When the boy had gone I picked her up and walked
over and sat down with her in the armchair by the
window. We were silent for a long time and just sat there
holding onto each other and listening to the swish of the
surf beyond the sea wall.
You ll hold me a lot, won t you? she asked at last.
Like this. So I ll forget about last night and the night
before that.
Were they bad?
Awful. I kept trying not to think about not seeing you
any more. But you can t make yourself not think, can
you?
No, I said. You can t turn it off.
Did you miss me, Bob?
Yes.
Very bad?
Very bad. And on top of that was the way I d hurt you.
That was something to live with.
Don t think about it now.
She leaned back against my arm and ran her fingers
lightly over the bruises and cut places on my face. Poor
face. Poor old sweet face, it s all hurt.
It s not hurt.
You tell me who did it and I ll go scratch his eyes out.
Hill Girl 128
Let s forget about my face and talk about something
nicer. Yours, for instance.
No. I will not forget about it. It s a beautiful face and I
love it. And I want to fix up the cut places.
I lost interest in my face as a topic of conversation in a
very short while, so I kissed her.
That changed the subject for both of us, all right. I
wondered why kissing her could always cloud up the
issue in a way that whisky never could. The jagged edges
of facts and the sharp corners of realities became blurred
and softened and all the noises muted.
I love you so, I said.
What is it like with you, Bob? Do things seem to sort of
run together? Is it like flying through colored clouds?
Right now it s like having a high fever and being full of
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